I started HRT without any specific physical goals in mind, other than the hope that it might help with my issues of depersonalization. It ended up helping a lot with Dopamine function right away (correcting anhedonia) and slowly after 4+ months it helped a little with depersonalization. At the time of this writing (20210205) I still classify as non-binary gender without a real goal of being hyper male or hyper female.
I have allowed my body to change throughout HRT with the goal of exploring feminization to the maximum biological extent (what is my body capable of becoming?); but not with an interest in presenting as female or “passing” as female in society. If I did classify as female it would be as a trans woman, rather than feeling as though I was always a woman or feeling strongly that I am a woman in identity.
More about how Estradiol affected my ASD/Empathy/Depersonalization here:
https://transicarus.com/estradiol-impact-on-autism-spectrum-disorder-empathy-and-depersonalization/
20 August, 2020
Weight ~190lb
Hips 40″
Waist 36″
Chest 36″
Norwood 7 hair loss
Testosterone 320ng/dL
Estradiol Oral SL 2mg
Taken sublingual in 1mg doses 2x daily.
Estradiol Oral SL 3mg
Taken sublingual in 1mg doses 3x daily.
Hips 43″
Waist 36″
Band 36″
Chest 40″
12mg weekly; Estradiol Valerate IM 20mg/mL
0.6ml weekly injection intramuscular; 12mg
7mg every 5 days; Estradiol Valerate IM 20mg/mL
0.35ml injection every 5 days intramuscular; 7mg
Just before switch:
Weight ~186lb
Testosterone 8ng/dL
Estradiol 647pg/mL peak
Prolactin 20.7ng/mL
LH 0
Tanner 2 breasts
0.1mg Estradiol Patch every 3.5 days
0.1mg patch every 3.5 days; roughly equivalent to 2mg daily
Reduced due to “high” Estradiol lab measured at peak.
2x 0.1mg Estradiol Patch every 3.5 days
0.2mg patch every 3.5 days staggered for overlap; roughly equivalent to 4mg daily
Increased for improved mood; estimated ~160pg/mL serum Estradiol.
Labs just before switch:
Testosterone 18ng/dL
Estradiol 81mg/mL
Prolactin 35.5ng/mL
DHT 3.3ng/dL
LH 0.9
0.5mg Dutasteride Oral Daily
Although serum DHT was at cis woman levels; athletic performance was still high, presumably due to peripheral DHEA to DHT conversion.
Noted more feminization/development by blocking DHT. More tired from workouts.
3x 0.1mg Estradiol Patch every 3.5 days
0.3mg patch every 3.5 days staggered for overlap; roughly equivalent to 6mg daily
Increased to use up patches faster! estimated ~240pg/mL serum Estradiol.
Weight ~190lb
Hips 45″
Waist 35″
Band 36″
Chest 41″
Norwood 5 hair loss (recovered 2 stages)
Tanner 3 breasts
2.3mg Estradiol Cypionate IM every 4 days
Sick of patches, switching back to intramuscular injections. Using Cypionate instead of Valerate for a smoother absorption curve. Every 4 days because 3.5 days is annoying; 4mg per week equivalent.
Switched Dutasteride to 0.5mg every other day instead of daily.
3.5mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 4 days
Started developing “female” orgasms and multiple orgasms around this time (full body orgasms, from nipples, etc.).
Also erectile function was having issues so started using testosterone cream topically on genitals once a week overnight; but, quickly stopped after a couple of weeks due to dysphoria.
Early Tanner 4 breasts (secondary areola mound on breast mound)
Started fitting into a 36 B cup bra.
4mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 4 days
Starting having dominant/aggressive feelings, so bumped Dutasteride back up to 0.5mg every day. Surprisingly this quickly helped within about a week. Also noticed it bumped breast growth up.
Around this time I started developing bisexual/pansexual feelings and finding masculine people sexually attractive for the first time; though still not aesthetically attractive.
2.3mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 4 days
Dropped Estradiol to equivalent of 4mg per week.
Weight ~183lb
Hips 45″
Waist 33.5″
Band 35.5″
Chest 40.5″
Hips 45″
Waist 33″
Band 35″
Chest 41″
2.3mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 4 days
Developed “female” orgasms from neck kissing and muffing. Had first sexual experience with a nonbinary AMAB.
2.3mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 4 days
Started 100mg Progesterone Suppository (peanut oil) daily. Developed genital dysphoria for the first time.
Dropped Dutasteride back down to 0.5mg every other day.
Attempted to induce breast lactation (for sexual and affirmation purposes) by pumping (with a breast milk pump) for 20 minutes, 3x per day, for 4 weeks. Unfortunately no luck in producing lactation. This may have helped with a more tanner 5 areola appearance; however, the secondary areola mound still exists, indicating tanner 4.
Weight 190lb
Hips 45″
Waist 34″
Band 35″
Chest 42″
Breasts are substantially larger but still fit into some 36 B cup bras (with some overflow); other B cups are too small, but haven’t tried any C cup bras yet. Visible cleavage in sports bras.
Update: using r/abrathatfits with MtF setting, calculated at 36DD. This seemed way too big, but after purchasing and trying a 36DD, it indeed fits and supports all the breast tissue fully. If this seems huge it’s because most people do not wear properly fitted bras. Even so I imagine I will fit this size for a long time.
Hair has continued filling in over the 1 year of HRT; however, much of the frontal area is still thin. Estimate Norwood 3.
1.3mg Estradiol Valerate IM every 3 days
Switched to 100mg Progesterone Suppository (immediate release without peanut oil from Empower Pharmacy). Genital dysphoria becoming increasingly extreme; often causing upset.
Due to fluctuations in mood from Progesterone in the morning, started 6mg Delta-8 edible in the morning to smooth out mood. This probably pushed my weight up to 190lb again for the first time in a while. At one point I was concerned about falling under 180lb because I couldn’t seem to eat enough to maintain weight due to low appetite. Progesterone did not help with appetite, so the edible is probably responsible.
Breast development really picked up either from lowering Estradiol dosage or from switching to a different formulation of Progesterone – possibly leading to better absorption.
Started using Testosterone cream again on genitals once a week overnight; however, feminization seems to have increased around this time from Progesterone more completely blocking production (theory); erectile function continues to decline.
Surprisingly, can still easily do 5 push ups (doing more felt dysphoric, so stopped). Haven’t worked out arms in over a year; only legs. Core strength has definitely increased from before HRT. Arms are still strong, but endurance is very low.